When Bears Drive…

…Bad things happen.

Hey there, Rowers! The Viking has just finished watching another vid posted by the King of Sweden, Robbaz!

In this vid, he’s playing a game called “Enviro Bear 2000″. This game is bold, putting a fucking BEAR behind the wheel and letting him tear ass all over the forest! FUCK the speed limit! This bear gets creative with his hunting, using his car to procure fish and the occasional psychotic badger!

Check this shit out!

This is what happens when you piss Smokey off!

Subscribe to Robbaz’s channel, or I will shove walnuts into your mouth and smack you over the head with a shovel!!

Horns!!

- V

Metal Never Dies… (#1)

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Welcome, Rowers, to the thread that puts the focus on bands that have striven for glory and have, to a degree at least, won through to the Hallowed Halls of Metal!!

To start this series, the Viking has chosen a band that means alot to him; 3 Inches of Blood!!

These Canadian metallers have kept true to their roots, slaying listeners with their own brand of soaring Traditional Metal with old-school Thrash influences, grinding out album after album of pounding musical mayhem! Fuck yeah!

Combining high-flying clean and shreddingly gravelly vocals, 3 Inches of Blood have carved out a name and reputation for themselves in the world of metal. The Viking has been a fan since hearing “Advance And Vanquish” for the first time! “Deadly Sinners” is STILL a staple track for Traditional Metal! Sing the main verse at any metal show, and see if someone doesn’t recognize it! See if EVERYONE doesn’t recognize it! This band has put their time in, and it has payed off. 3 Inches have a fiercely loyal fanbase, and they’ve toured alongside of many killer acts!

They’ve just released an album this year, “Long Live Heavy Metal”. It’s a really fucking KILLER disc! “Leather Lord”, “Leave It On The Ice”, “4000 Torches”, “Dark Messenger” and “My Sword Will Not Sleep” are all amazing examples of what 3 Inches has made their staple. This is a MUST-HAVE, Rowers! Check this shit out!!

Here’s a live performance of “Dark Messenger”!

3 Inches of Blood – Dark Messenger Live

Horns!!

- V

Tales of Slaughter and Pillage… (#2)

“Under pale grey skies, we shall arise…”

Kick your rock pants off and start bashing shit around with your mini-warhammer!! Oh yeah, brother! The Viking says shit just got REAL!

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Look long and hard at the above image, my little Rowers. Memorize every contour, every nuance, every detail of the pure brutality…

This, ladies and gents, is a true example of classic Thrash/Speed Metal!!

The fourth offering from Brazilian Thrash titans Sepultura, “Arise” punches you in the face and proceeds to grind your head into mulch. These boys knew their formula. Not too much experimentation, but who needs all that when you have a record that you can CRUSH things to?!??!

The title track (“Arise”), “Dead Embryonic Cells”, “Subtraction”, “Desperate Cry” and “Infected Voice” are all fucking in-your-face BRUTALITY! Also worth checking out is the cover of Motorhead’s “Orgasmatron”. They put some fucking metal DOWN on this album, Rowers! TRY listening to this without getting the urge to hit something with your fist!! This earns “Arise” the Viking’s Hammer of Approval, as well as a bloody fist in the air!!!

Bwahahahahahahahahahahaa!! The power is intoxicating!!!

Horns!!

- V

Greetings!!

Hey there, Rowers!!

The Viking’s sorry that he hasn’t been on lately to post anything. Life’s been busy round these parts. I’ll be back with some new killer shit on the page, though! Count on it, by Thor!!

Also, I’m working on a weekly email newsletter. It will be call “The Viking’s Weekly Mead-Hall Announcements”. So email me your email addresses at the email provided on the contact page, and you’ll get this weekly email (it will be sent on Fridays). The MHA will include updates to the site, a random weekly Viking quote and (eventually) a crazy Viking-Rower pic of the week (you have to take it and email it in!).

SUBSCRIBE TO THE NEWSLETTER OR DIE!!! AHH HAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

Horns!

- V

Nipple Magic and a Crybaby GIRLYman Walrus!

Hey all you little Rowers out there! Rest your hands, crack your backs, and sink those teeth into this hysterical vid!!

This is Robbaz, and he’s the self proclaimed “King of Vikings”. Now, THIS Viking bows to no king, but I have high respect for this Swedish Engine of Destruction!

In this vid, the V-King is roaring through the world of Skyrim. He steals a dragon’s nipple magic, gives some vampires dental inspections and assumes the role of titties inspector briefly.

Enjoy the fun!

Ghostbusting Nipple Dentist Adventure!!

Subscribe to Robbaz’s channel! Or I’ll pitchfork you to a wall and force you to listen to Kenny Loggins records!!!
Bwahahahaha!

Horns!!

- V

Games of Conquest! (#1)

Welcome back, my little Rowers!! This is the first of many reviews in a thread that I have titled “Games of Conquest”. I’m talking, of course, about video games! The Viking’s a rabid gamer, after all!

To kick this off, the Viking has chosen a special game; Dead Space!

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Now, I know that most of you happy little Rowers have already played this game. But the Viking must give respect where respect is due! And this could be informative for those who haven’t yet undertaken this freakishly awesome journey into the dark nether-regions of space!

You jump into this Scifi horror TPS as Isaac Clarke, a dedicated engineer wearing a badass suit! On a quest to repair a stranded ship and save his lost love, you battle ravenous, drooling, flesh-eating monstrosities using an array of space-age weaponry.

This game throws plenty of thrills and chills at you, being chock full of shit that pops out unexpectedly and dire life-and-death moments. That, along with the ability to beat the game and then start a new game with all the swag and plunder you gained the first time through, earns the Viking’s Hammer of Approval!! This game is DEFINITELY worth the title Game of Conquest!! Pick this one up if you already haven’t, my little Rowers!

Here, the Viking will even throw a link to the trailer here, to show you the fun in store! ;)

Dead Space E3 Trailer

Horns!!

- V

Tales of Slaughter and Pillage… (#1)

Ahhhhh….. the joy of the Old School…..

Hello, my little Rowers!! I’m dedicating this post to talking about a very important album to me; “Battle Hymns” by Manowar! Seeing as this is the first “Tale of S & P”, the Viking figured that it would be good to start out with a great beginning!! Yep, starting this bad boy out with a bang (or a mace to the groin, seeing as that’s more appropriate here…)

As stated earlier, this is Manowar’s first album, all the way from ’82. They put out a new version in 2011, but Eric Adams doesn’t sound as good as on the original. Also, it seems to have sacrificed the vintage “true” feeling of the first release…

Not only is this ablum a great example of Traditional Heavy Metal, its the first of many a raid for this amazing band! They tear through your ears over the course of this eight track crusade of metal, taking you from a life on the streets, to the tortured mind of a PTSD suffering veteran, to conquest on the high seas, to the darkness of Hel… These guys even got the truly epic Orson Wells to narrate Dark Avenger!! How insane is that?! ORSON FUCKING WELLS!!

The final track of this work of metallic art holds a special place in this Vikings heart. It’s called BATTLE HYMN!! Of COURSE the Viking’s gonna love it!! We accompany a brave army on a long journey for glory. Encountering strange losses and men dying, we cross a starlit sky with these brave soldiers of metal, as they sound the charge and into glory ride!!

The Viking gives this album his Hammer of Approval! Check it out if you love a good slab of Old School Traditional Metal!

Horns!
– V